Love Odyssey

Hurricane Earl has come and gone. He brought winds of less than 30 miles an hour and a little rain. We are relieved that he left no destruction in his path here in Oriental. Today is just another gray, rainy day. But I have to admit that I feel a bit of disappointment because of all the time it took to prepare the boat and dock for a hurricane. I guess later today when the rain stops we will begin the task of putting the boat back together—erect the dodger over the companionway, put on the windshield and hatch covers, cover the teak rails, move the dinghy back on the davits with its outboard engine in place, and untie a lot of extra lines holding the boat to the dock. I just hope that this is the last hurricane of the season for NC—because I don’t relish doing this all over again!

Helen –09/03/10

We have prepared for this hurricane all day and now we wait.  So far we have had no rain and the wind is under 10 miles an hour.  At 3:00 this afternoon we had some gusts of close to 30 miles an hour, but that lasted for only a short time.  The sky is gray but we still don’t see anything menacing.  The water level gradually rose about a foot this afternoon, but it is still well over a foot below the docks.  Okay Earl, either come for a visit or go away—make up your mind!

 Helen 09/02/10

Hurricane Earl is knocking on our back door—or so it seems.  Everyone in our marina has been tying down their boats, removing canvas, and securely stowing anything that could be a projectile.  We are no exception.  We arrived at the marina last night at 9 pm and immediately began tying more lines to our pilings and taking down our canvas dodger.  Early this morning we removed all the canvas that covers our teak rails and placed more bumpers in strategic places to cushion any contact with the dock.  Bryce took our dinghy off the davits that suspended it at the stern of the sailboat and tied it in the water, minus outboard engine.

 Now we sit here and wait…  so far there is very little wind but the sky is ominously gray.  We have been told to expect a storm surge of 3 to 5 feet of water and wind up to 70 miles per hour.  Bryce has lines to pilings and the dock that can be adjusted from the boat for rising water levels.  We have done all the preparations that can be made.  Now we will see what kind of punch Earl wants to give us.

 Helen 09/02/2010

I have not written a blog for over two weeks, and I apologize to my followers.  Bryce and I have been hit with a severe family tragedy that has shaken both of us to our very roots.  I cannot divulge the details, but Bryce and I are extremely upset and having difficulty doing even the routine day-to-day tasks.  We hope that with time we will learn to live with this and grow to become stronger and better people.  As the old saying goes: “That which does not kill you, will make you stronger”.  I am praying for that strength and saying the Serenity Prayer several times a day.  We lean on each other a lot now, and I am so thankful for Bryce’s strength and wisdom. Together we will heal.

 Helen – 08/08/10

We are just now back home from our first Safe Passage Odyssey and I can’t believe how well it worked out.  My experience is that first time efforts are usually fraught with mistakes and mediocre results.  This Odyssey was surprisingly more powerful than I had expected.  I didn’t expect to feel so emotionally moved on a spiritual level.  Perhaps we were lucky with such a courageous couple who were able to self-examine and confront some uncomfortable schemas that were destroying their marriage.  But I’m hoping that there’s something magical in the process itself – that Helen and I being so intimate with another couple for 7 days on such an unusual adventure can actually nudge them into a new way of thinking and feeling.  There’s no question that this first couple experienced a very profound change in their perspectives, not only about their relationship but to some extent about how they are approaching life.

 There was a lot of teaching, a lot of story-telling, some tears and a whole lot of laughter.  I think that the laughter was especially important in framing the voyage as a safe place to explore.  Even so, the process was emotionally intense.  By Wednesday we all agreed that we needed a break to NOT focus on the relationship and to just relax and take in New Bern.  I think the zenith of the trip was when we arranged an old resentment burial service out on a remote beach at sunrise.  We ferried the couple there at 6 AM when the sun was just rising and the beach was deserted.  Each person had a full half-hour to read and vent their list of past resentments with their partner listening with no retort.  After each had their turn, they burned their lists together in a little grave they had dug for their cremation ceremony.  After they filled in the resentment grave,  I officiated as captain and guided them through their pledges to each other.  Then out came the champagne, toasts and hugs all around.  While the whole ceremony was going on, I felt so blessed to be able to have these kinds of experiences that so many people aren’t able to have.  It was a somewhat transcendent feeling of being so close to the pulse of life.  These people were sharing their core truths in the most heroic way imaginable.

 Another take-away from this trip was to again see Helen’s innate brilliance when she combines her wisdom with her awesome emotional warmth.  I remember sitting there watching her as the couple talked with us.  But I had to laugh out loud at how much she out-matched me in making a connection with them.  They were looking at her the majority of the time and for good reason.  There she was, nodding her head and giving little verbal reassurances that she was tracking and understanding it all.  Her attunement skills are out of this world!  I sit and listen with interest and wonder.  But she listens and exudes warmth and compassion.  I may have more understanding of how things fit together and how people need to grow.  She’s able to model how to be emotionally whole.  She and I have different strengths and it’s good for my “Inner Ceasar” to be humbled by some of hers.

 Bryce – 7/18/2010

It feels like we have been on this odyssey much longer than a week.  So much has happened in the past seven days.  I have gone from doubting my effectiveness as a co-therapist to realizing that I have insights and perspectives that can help couples as they work through their relationship issues. 

 I have also seen significant changes in the individuals on our odyssey.  Initially they are hurting and angry and over the course of the week they begin to see their own maladaptive behaviors and the part they played in marital problems.  Then there is a re-awakening as they learn better ways to communicate with their partner.  And today I see their hope in turning the relationship around and making it into something strong and loving.  WOW! How neat!  I can’t wait to do another odyssey! 

 Helen – 07/17/10

Yesterday we started our first real Love Odyssey cruise. I have to admit that I was pretty nervous about doing this, after all, I work exclusively with preschoolers and here we are working with hurting adults. But Bryce kept reassuring me that I could do this. Well, I got through our first day and so far I have not put my foot in my mouth. So I am gradually getting more confidence. I like the fact that Bryce uses our own martial material and encourages me to pipe up when something rings a bell that I can relate to. For instance, we do a lot of negotiating chores, e.g. “If I do X, will you do Y?”. If fact, we just did such a negotiation this morning. He puts the canopies over the deck of the boat at each new destination, and I do the inside chores like cleaning and tidying up.

We also practice the “I want…will you” principal in his book. “I want ice cream. Will you go to the store and get some?” Of course, with this example we both win! So gradually I am feeling a bit more confident about our joint odyssey endevour. I’ll let you know how things go later in the week.

Helen– 07/12/10

We were supposed to travel back to Ocracoke for the holiday weekend.  I was feeling ambivalent since we had already spent three days there last weekend, but what the heck, I do love Ocracoke.  So when Bryce said that we were going to sail back there again on Friday morning, it was fine and I was psyched.

   It is always hard to get dockage on a holiday weekend and our generator decided to die, which meant that if we didn’t want to roast and be conservative with power while sitting on anchor in Silver Lake, we better leave very, very early in the morning.  So yesterday morning we got up at 3:15 and left our dock a half hour later.  We noticed that the wind was blowing much harder than the weather forecast had predicted, but heck, we are a blue water boat and should be fine.

  When we got out in the middle of the river and put the boat on autopilot, the chart-plotter kept trying to send us back to Oriental.  Bryce had to keep re-programming it, probably about three times.  Then it started to get choppy and the boat was taking lots of blue water over the bow.  We had the windshield wipers going so we could see where we were heading, I was holding the dog in my lap so she would not fall and get hurt with the motion of the boat as she slammed down on waves, we were taking in some water on the galley floor from water being shipped into the dorades, and our power cord that we had coiled up on the bow was perilously shifting around and in danger of falling overboard and fouling the prop.  In addition, the motion of the boat made it difficult to fix breakfast, so Bryce and I nibbled on granola bars.  But as we looked at the radar and listened to the VHF radio conversations from other boats also on their way to Ocracoke, we realized that we were going to be at the head of the pack (of sailboats, anyway) and would most assuredly get dockage.  The boat was flying at 7.5 knots in spite of beating into the wind on engine alone.

 Then as we left the river and got into the Pamlico Sound, the boat’s motion got worse and although we knew that we could make it, we asked ourselves if we were having fun—definitely not!  I admit, I am a fair weather sailor—I don’t like putting my body into a washing machine on the spin cycle.  So we turned the boat around and headed back up river (I think our autopilot and chart plotter were right when they tried to do this earlier!).

 So here we are in beautiful Beaufort, tied up to the town docks and loving every minute of it!  Sometimes Plan B is the better plan.

 Helen –05/29/10

“Loafing” is not a word that Bryce and I use very often.  In fact, it is rare indeed for Bryce and I to use that word in reference to ourselves.  We are both very work-driven individuals and most weekends when we come down here to the boat we have a list of jobs and projects that we plan to accomplish.  But somehow this weekend was different.  We spent the majority of the time just “loafin’”. 

 Our inactivity was probably driven in part by the weekend offerings in Oriental.  Pecan Grove Marina, where we keep our boat, had their annual ‘Spring Fling’ at 1:00 yesterday.  This was really an excuse for slip owners and renters to schmooze at the club house over a barbeque chicken plate.  So there went a few hours.  Then when we returned mid-afternoon to the boat, stomachs laden with all that greasy goodness, a nap seemed in order.  I can usually nap for a just a half hour, but Bryce, who I am sure majored in napping in grad school, can usually while away a good two hours, and yesterday he did.  By the time he awakened from his siesta it was nigh on dinner time.

  Now I had read in the local newspaper that there was supposed to be a pig pickin’ at the inner harbor, so we decided to check it out.  Unfortunately all the tickets for the pig pickin’/fund raiser had been sold out hours before, but it sure smelled good and there was a great trio playing Irish music on the deck next to the tiki bar.  So we grabbed some beer and chatted up some friends for at least an hour.  By then we were really hungry, so we ordered some pizza and took it back to the boat for dinner.  The newspaper also said that there was going to be some live music at Oriental Harbor Marina; we had heard Night Cruise many times before and liked their sound, so at 7:30 we went back to listen.  When they took a break, we walked back to the inner harbor and listened to more music; a new, energy-filled group had replaced the Irish trio.  Then all that walking back and forth got us hungry again, so we stepped across the street to the Bean and had ice cream cones while sitting on the porch and listening to the tunes.  Yes, we did a lot of loafin’ yesterday—and I think we deserved it!

 Helen   05/16/10

This morning we left the coast before seven a.m. so we could make it back to Cary in time for the extended family Mother’s Day dinner.  As I sat at the head of the table in Biaggi’s restaurant and surveyed our family, I felt very proud of this group and bursting with love for them.  Across the table our 38 year old son faced me.  We talked briefly about a trip to Nova Scotia when he was nine, sitting at a picnic table in Fundy National Park and eating five pound lobsters that we could not finish.  Next to me our 23 year old daughter talked excitedly about her up-coming graduation from UNC-G this coming Thursday.  Our daughter-in-law, eight months pregnant, told us about her plans for the summer with a new baby.  It seems this baby is going to get its sea-legs early since we will be taking them to Cape Lookout when baby is only a month old!  All the while our grandson, Andrew, soon to be five, entertained himself at the table with Matchbox cars and spoke about starting kindergarten in August.  My mother, who is ninety-two, eagerly joined the conversation and I am sure had many of the same feelings I was experiencing.  My brother sat next to our mother and engaged our son in conversation about his new red truck, while my sister-in-law tried to nail down a weekend to come sailing with us.  And then of course there was Bryce, sitting by my side, my rock, my soul-mate, and my PIRATE!  Yes, what a joyous day to celebrate the wonderful family that we have!  My wish is that every mom today can experience this pride and joy!

 Helen   05/09/10