Love Odyssey » marriage counseling cruise

Relief and Disappointment—Helen 09/03/10

l0v3.t3cht — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 12:48:13 +0000

Hurricane Earl has come and gone. He brought winds of less than 30 miles an hour and a little rain. We are relieved that he left no destruction in his path here in Oriental. Today is just another gray, rainy day. But I have to admit that I feel a bit of disappointment because of all the time it took to prepare the boat and dock for a hurricane. I guess later today when the rain stops we will begin the task of putting the boat back together—erect the dodger over the companionway, put on the windshield and hatch covers, cover the teak rails, move the dinghy back on the davits with its outboard engine in place, and untie a lot of extra lines holding the boat to the dock. I just hope that this is the last hurricane of the season for NC—because I don’t relish doing this all over again!

Helen –09/03/10

Okay, Earl, Bring It On—Helen—09/02/10—(7 pm)

l0v3.t3cht — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 23:12:27 +0000

We have prepared for this hurricane all day and now we wait. So far we have had no rain and the wind is under 10 miles an hour. At 3:00 this afternoon we had some gusts of close to 30 miles an hour, but that lasted for only a short time. The sky is gray but we still don’t see anything menacing. The water level gradually rose about a foot this afternoon, but it is still well over a foot below the docks. Okay Earl, either come for a visit or go away—make up your mind!

Helen 09/02/10

Preparing for Earl—Helen 09/02/2010

l0v3.t3cht — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 15:23:34 +0000

Hurricane Earl is knocking on our back door—or so it seems. Everyone in our marina has been tying down their boats, removing canvas, and securely stowing anything that could be a projectile. We are no exception. We arrived at the marina last night at 9 pm and immediately began tying more lines to our pilings and taking down our canvas dodger. Early this morning we removed all the canvas that covers our teak rails and placed more bumpers in strategic places to cushion any contact with the dock. Bryce took our dinghy off the davits that suspended it at the stern of the sailboat and tied it in the water, minus outboard engine.

Now we sit here and wait… so far there is very little wind but the sky is ominously gray. We have been told to expect a storm surge of 3 to 5 feet of water and wind up to 70 miles per hour. Bryce has lines to pilings and the dock that can be adjusted from the boat for rising water levels. We have done all the preparations that can be made. Now we will see what kind of punch Earl wants to give us.

Helen 09/02/2010

Another Odyssey Cruise– Helen 08/21/10

l0v3.t3cht — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 19:14:31 +0000

We just finished our third Safe Passage cruise. It still surprises me how much progress couples make when they commit to a cruise. Our third couple was no exception—they worked hard and learned other ways to connect with their partner so that the love and intimacy that initially was present years ago could once more be evident.

Bryce and I enjoy these cruises but we work hard too. I admire Bryce’s wisdom about where to delve each day and how to tailor exercises to meet each couple’s needs. I know that it must take a lot of courage and energy for each odyssey couple to trust us and give every bit of effort to improve the relationship. We are always tired at the end of each day and I cannot imagine how tired our couples must be. Not only do we move the boat from one location to another almost every day, but we also move the relationship forward each day. There is so much new material to digest daily.

As I sit here now and look back at the past three Safe Passage cruises that we have completed so far this summer, I want to say “Thank you” to the couples who have been brave enough to trust us and let us “beta test” the Love Odyssey concept. It seems that it really does work. And now I look forward to all the new adventures on the relationship sea for couples who need an odyssey to get their relationship back on course again.

Helen –08/21/10

An Apology—Helen 08/08/10

l0v3.t3cht — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 15:36:18 +0000

I have not written a blog for over two weeks, and I apologize to my followers. Bryce and I have been hit with a severe family tragedy that has shaken both of us to our very roots. I cannot divulge the details, but Bryce and I are extremely upset and having difficulty doing even the routine day-to-day tasks. We hope that with time we will learn to live with this and grow to become stronger and better people. As the old saying goes: “That which does not kill you, will make you stronger”. I am praying for that strength and saying the Serenity Prayer several times a day. We lean on each other a lot now, and I am so thankful for Bryce’s strength and wisdom. Together we will heal.

Helen – 08/08/10

Amazing – Bryce 7/18/2010

l0v3.t3cht — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 00:34:21 +0000

We are just now back home from our first Safe Passage Odyssey and I can’t believe how well it worked out. My experience is that first time efforts are usually fraught with mistakes and mediocre results. This Odyssey was surprisingly more powerful than I had expected. I didn’t expect to feel so emotionally moved on a spiritual level. Perhaps we were lucky with such a courageous couple who were able to self-examine and confront some uncomfortable schemas that were destroying their marriage. But I’m hoping that there’s something magical in the process itself – that Helen and I being so intimate with another couple for 7 days on such an unusual adventure can actually nudge them into a new way of thinking and feeling. There’s no question that this first couple experienced a very profound change in their perspectives, not only about their relationship but to some extent about how they are approaching life.

There was a lot of teaching, a lot of story-telling, some tears and a whole lot of laughter. I think that the laughter was especially important in framing the voyage as a safe place to explore. Even so, the process was emotionally intense. By Wednesday we all agreed that we needed a break to NOT focus on the relationship and to just relax and take in New Bern. I think the zenith of the trip was when we arranged an old resentment burial service out on a remote beach at sunrise. We ferried the couple there at 6 AM when the sun was just rising and the beach was deserted. Each person had a full half-hour to read and vent their list of past resentments with their partner listening with no retort. After each had their turn, they burned their lists together in a little grave they had dug for their cremation ceremony. After they filled in the resentment grave, I officiated as captain and guided them through their pledges to each other. Then out came the champagne, toasts and hugs all around. While the whole ceremony was going on, I felt so blessed to be able to have these kinds of experiences that so many people aren’t able to have. It was a somewhat transcendent feeling of being so close to the pulse of life. These people were sharing their core truths in the most heroic way imaginable.

Another take-away from this trip was to again see Helen’s innate brilliance when she combines her wisdom with her awesome emotional warmth. I remember sitting there watching her as the couple talked with us. But I had to laugh out loud at how much she out-matched me in making a connection with them. They were looking at her the majority of the time and for good reason. There she was, nodding her head and giving little verbal reassurances that she was tracking and understanding it all. Her attunement skills are out of this world! I sit and listen with interest and wonder. But she listens and exudes warmth and compassion. I may have more understanding of how things fit together and how people need to grow. She’s able to model how to be emotionally whole. She and I have different strengths and it’s good for my “Inner Ceasar” to be humbled by some of hers.

Bryce – 7/18/2010

Safe Passage Odyssey I — Helen 07/17/10

l0v3.t3cht — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 13:51:15 +0000

It feels like we have been on this odyssey much longer than a week. So much has happened in the past seven days. I have gone from doubting my effectiveness as a co-therapist to realizing that I have insights and perspectives that can help couples as they work through their relationship issues.

I have also seen significant changes in the individuals on our odyssey. Initially they are hurting and angry and over the course of the week they begin to see their own maladaptive behaviors and the part they played in marital problems. Then there is a re-awakening as they learn better ways to communicate with their partner. And today I see their hope in turning the relationship around and making it into something strong and loving. WOW! How neat! I can’t wait to do another odyssey!

Helen – 07/17/10

The Joy Of Family – Helen (05/09/10)

l0v3.t3cht — Sun, 09 May 2010 21:00:56 +0000

This morning we left the coast before seven a.m. so we could make it back to Cary in time for the extended family Mother’s Day dinner. As I sat at the head of the table in Biaggi’s restaurant and surveyed our family, I felt very proud of this group and bursting with love for them. Across the table our 38 year old son faced me. We talked briefly about a trip to Nova Scotia when he was nine, sitting at a picnic table in Fundy National Park and eating five pound lobsters that we could not finish. Next to me our 23 year old daughter talked excitedly about her up-coming graduation from UNC-G this coming Thursday. Our daughter-in-law, eight months pregnant, told us about her plans for the summer with a new baby. It seems this baby is going to get its sea-legs early since we will be taking them to Cape Lookout when baby is only a month old! All the while our grandson, Andrew, soon to be five, entertained himself at the table with Matchbox cars and spoke about starting kindergarten in August. My mother, who is ninety-two, eagerly joined the conversation and I am sure had many of the same feelings I was experiencing. My brother sat next to our mother and engaged our son in conversation about his new red truck, while my sister-in-law tried to nail down a weekend to come sailing with us. And then of course there was Bryce, sitting by my side, my rock, my soul-mate, and my PIRATE! Yes, what a joyous day to celebrate the wonderful family that we have! My wish is that every mom today can experience this pride and joy!

Helen 05/09/10

Our First Love Odyssey Cruise- Helen 05/02/10

l0v3.t3cht — Mon, 03 May 2010 00:34:22 +0000

This weekend we had our first 3-day Love Odyssey cruise and it could not have been any more spectacular. The weather gods smiled upon us and gave us sunny skies, perfect sailing winds, and very little humidity. We left Oriental on Friday morning around eight a.m. We motored through the Intracoastal Waterway, which we call “the ditch” because it is so narrow. Lovely homes line much of this waterway, with gently rolling lawns ending at the water where boats of various sizes are docked.

Around eleven o’clock we put up sails and proceded out of the Beaufort inlet. The ocean was so clear and blue. We had only been sailing a few minutes when our odyssey couple noticed motion in the water. Sure enough there were several dolphins cavorting in our bow wave. Then a few minutes later we noticed a large dark shadow off to the distance and a whale breached the surface! He seemed to be accompanied by more dolphins. What fun for all of us as we rapidly snapped photos and tried to guess where the whale would surface next.

We entered the Cape Lookout bight about 12:30 and anchored in some of the prettiest water–we could see fish swimming around the boat. Too bad that we forgot our fishing poles!

After a quick lunch on board we lowered our dinghy and motored to the lighthouse. The ride was a bit wet and splashy, but it felt good in the warm sunshine. There is a small museum in the lighthouse keeper’s house that is run by the national park service. After a walk across the dunes to the ocean, we returned to our dinghy and traveled to the far corner of the bight where we disembarked and walked to the old abandoned Coast Guard Station. We kept a sharp eye out for nutra, which are like large guinae pigs that were imported here from South America during the Second World War to help keep down the vegetation; no luck spotting them on this visit, but we have seen them in the past.

Saturday morning we sailed back to Beaufort. We did spy a few dolphins near the boat, but alas, our whale was no where in sight! After anchoring in Taylor’s Creek along the Beaufort waterfront, we dinghied to shore and strolled along the waterfront where wooden boats of all descriptions were lined up. This was the weekend of the Wooden Boat Show. A large tent was erected in one area and at least twenty teams were vying for recognition in a boat building and rowing contest. We also enjoyed the Maritime Museum up the street where watercraft of all sorts were displayed, including artifacts from the pirate Blackbeard’s Queen Anne’s Revenge.

Sunday morning we re-traced our route back to Oriental under a bit hotter and windier conditions, but still very pleasant. A few dophins frolicked around our boat on the way. We know our first Love Odyssey couple had a wonderful time on the water.

Helen- 05/02/10

ALMOST MUTINY — Helen 04/18/10

l0v3.t3cht — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 17:16:11 +0000

We’re getting tired of life in the boatyard. And it is starting to get hot, which makes working in the sun on deck an exhausting and sweaty experience. This weekend we worked extensively on our aging teak deck. We had to pull up a good bit of mastic (the black material between the teak strips) that was cracking and coming loose. The more we worked, the more areas that needed work became apparent. It is a never-ending job. You repair one area, and then see other spots that also need attention. We had to prioritize the worst areas and say we would get back to the others another day.

We also replaced missing and cracked bungs (these are the small round teak pegs that cover the screws which hold down the teak deck strips). It seems that as soon as we put new bungs in, other old ones fall out or crack. We should probably replace bungs more often, but other boat needs always seem to yell louder for our attention.

My job this weekend was to stain the deck with Tropical Teak Sealer. We do this chore annually in the hopes of getting ten more years out of our badly worn teak deck. The staining is not that difficult; the part I hate is putting green masking tape around all the edges to prevent stain from inadvertently getting smudged on the white fiberglass, the stainless steel, and the lines. It probably takes longer to do the masking than the staining. Yesterday in the 80 degree heat I stained about three quarters of the deck, just leaving us a path to come and go without walking on wet stain. Then this morning I completed the remainder. Yeah! The worst is over!

Now if all goes well we will splash the boat next Friday—I can’t wait. Climbing a twelve foot ladder several times a day is getting old, not to mention that we have limited electricity while on the hard. That means that no matter how hot it gets, we can’t run air conditioning; we have no hot water to wash dishes (hot water heaters take a lot of juice); and occasionally when you plug in a small appliance, the breaker trips and you have to un-plug and reset the power. Yes, we had better be in the water and at a dock with full hook-up by next Friday evening or this galley wench is going to mutiny.

Helen- 04/18/10