Love Odyssey » marriage counseling cruise

Emotional Pain–Helen 10/22/10

l0v3.t3cht — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 12:19:38 +0000

The past three weeks have been very hard on me. Mitzie-Sue, our fourteen year old Yorkie, has been having serious health issues. It began one day about a month ago when I watched her stumble here on the dock. At first I didn’t think much of it, but then I began to notice her stumbling more and more each day. It was like one of her back legs gave out and the lower half of her body would briefly hit the ground and then she would immediately get up and walk fine. After a week of this I took her to the vet and he agreed it was probably arthritis and gave her a prednisone shot. In the days that followed she was like a younger dog and enjoyed her short walks. Then two weeks ago when we sailed to Ocracoke she started a new drug and had a bad reaction that tore up her belly. She dehydrated and began falling a lot. Another trip to the vet revealed that she had kidney failure (apparently pretty common in older dogs). She acted like she was in pain and seemed pretty sick. We treated the dehydration for the past week and she gradually got a bit better, but we had a hard time getting her to drink water or eat. Two days ago I saw what looked like a pinched nerve in her back–she couldn’t get up for 15 minutes because her back seemed to be in spasm. So yesterday we went back to the vet and he gave us two types of drugs, more prednisone and a muscle relaxant. Within 20 minutes of taking those drugs she had two grand mal seizures. I rushed her back to the vet and they gave her fluids and said that seizures are not unusual in dogs with kidney failure. Of course, that doesn’t explain why she had seizures after taking these pills. So now I am hesitant to give her any more. But my emotional pain stems from the anticipated loss of another dog in the course of less than a year. I feel like I am watching her slowly die before my eyes. We give so much love to our pets and they give us so much more in return. It seems unfair that they have such short lives. I guess Bryce would say that our pets lives teach us about mortality and how short a dance this is for all of us.

Helen –10/22/10

Perfect– Helen 10/11/10

l0v3.t3cht — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 20:30:50 +0000

This past weekend was perfect–spectacular even! Not too hot; not too cold; just right. We left early Friday morning for Ocracoke under blue, cloudless skies. The wind was from the north, but at 10-15 knots it was comfortable in our boat. We arrived about 2:30 and found a place at the Park Service docks. The next two days we strolled the lanes in the village just for fun–no agenda. Yesterday was also true to form–we left by 7:00 a.m. under blue skies and no wind at all. The sound was like a millpond. Of course we had to use our engine, but if most sailors are honest, we use our engines the majority of the time. So the sails stayed furled this weekend, but a good–perfect–weekend was had by all.

Helen– 10/11/10

Wind- Helen 10/02/10

l0v3.t3cht — Sat, 02 Oct 2010 18:47:05 +0000

As a sailboater, we either love the wind or hate it; it’s hard to feel neutral about something as important as the wind. It is the element that either propels your boat or keeps it at the dock. We have either too much wind or not enough. Sometimes you are lucky and have just enough–the perfect amount. Today we have an overabundance of wind, not that we were hankering to go sailing. It is just that the coast had a lot of rain in the past week and now the wind is roaring out of the north. In the town of Oriental that means that streets are flooding and impassable to cars and folks on foot. Here at the marina the water is close to the top of the docks. I can hear the wind howling through the rigging of all the sailboats–a very eerie noise. We are cozy in our boat; I have ribs cooking in the crock pot in the galley while Bryce hangs a fishing line off the stern of the boat–he even got a 22″ drum for tomorrow’s lunch.

Helen – 10/02/10

Relief and Disappointment—Helen 09/03/10

l0v3.t3cht — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 12:48:13 +0000

Hurricane Earl has come and gone. He brought winds of less than 30 miles an hour and a little rain. We are relieved that he left no destruction in his path here in Oriental. Today is just another gray, rainy day. But I have to admit that I feel a bit of disappointment because of all the time it took to prepare the boat and dock for a hurricane. I guess later today when the rain stops we will begin the task of putting the boat back together—erect the dodger over the companionway, put on the windshield and hatch covers, cover the teak rails, move the dinghy back on the davits with its outboard engine in place, and untie a lot of extra lines holding the boat to the dock. I just hope that this is the last hurricane of the season for NC—because I don’t relish doing this all over again!

Helen –09/03/10

Okay, Earl, Bring It On—Helen—09/02/10—(7 pm)

l0v3.t3cht — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 23:12:27 +0000

We have prepared for this hurricane all day and now we wait. So far we have had no rain and the wind is under 10 miles an hour. At 3:00 this afternoon we had some gusts of close to 30 miles an hour, but that lasted for only a short time. The sky is gray but we still don’t see anything menacing. The water level gradually rose about a foot this afternoon, but it is still well over a foot below the docks. Okay Earl, either come for a visit or go away—make up your mind!

Helen 09/02/10

Preparing for Earl—Helen 09/02/2010

l0v3.t3cht — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 15:23:34 +0000

Hurricane Earl is knocking on our back door—or so it seems. Everyone in our marina has been tying down their boats, removing canvas, and securely stowing anything that could be a projectile. We are no exception. We arrived at the marina last night at 9 pm and immediately began tying more lines to our pilings and taking down our canvas dodger. Early this morning we removed all the canvas that covers our teak rails and placed more bumpers in strategic places to cushion any contact with the dock. Bryce took our dinghy off the davits that suspended it at the stern of the sailboat and tied it in the water, minus outboard engine.

Now we sit here and wait… so far there is very little wind but the sky is ominously gray. We have been told to expect a storm surge of 3 to 5 feet of water and wind up to 70 miles per hour. Bryce has lines to pilings and the dock that can be adjusted from the boat for rising water levels. We have done all the preparations that can be made. Now we will see what kind of punch Earl wants to give us.

Helen 09/02/2010

Another Odyssey Cruise– Helen 08/21/10

l0v3.t3cht — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 19:14:31 +0000

We just finished our third Safe Passage cruise. It still surprises me how much progress couples make when they commit to a cruise. Our third couple was no exception—they worked hard and learned other ways to connect with their partner so that the love and intimacy that initially was present years ago could once more be evident.

Bryce and I enjoy these cruises but we work hard too. I admire Bryce’s wisdom about where to delve each day and how to tailor exercises to meet each couple’s needs. I know that it must take a lot of courage and energy for each odyssey couple to trust us and give every bit of effort to improve the relationship. We are always tired at the end of each day and I cannot imagine how tired our couples must be. Not only do we move the boat from one location to another almost every day, but we also move the relationship forward each day. There is so much new material to digest daily.

As I sit here now and look back at the past three Safe Passage cruises that we have completed so far this summer, I want to say “Thank you” to the couples who have been brave enough to trust us and let us “beta test” the Love Odyssey concept. It seems that it really does work. And now I look forward to all the new adventures on the relationship sea for couples who need an odyssey to get their relationship back on course again.

Helen –08/21/10

An Apology—Helen 08/08/10

l0v3.t3cht — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 15:36:18 +0000

I have not written a blog for over two weeks, and I apologize to my followers. Bryce and I have been hit with a severe family tragedy that has shaken both of us to our very roots. I cannot divulge the details, but Bryce and I are extremely upset and having difficulty doing even the routine day-to-day tasks. We hope that with time we will learn to live with this and grow to become stronger and better people. As the old saying goes: “That which does not kill you, will make you stronger”. I am praying for that strength and saying the Serenity Prayer several times a day. We lean on each other a lot now, and I am so thankful for Bryce’s strength and wisdom. Together we will heal.

Helen – 08/08/10

Amazing – Bryce 7/18/2010

l0v3.t3cht — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 00:34:21 +0000

We are just now back home from our first Safe Passage Odyssey and I can’t believe how well it worked out. My experience is that first time efforts are usually fraught with mistakes and mediocre results. This Odyssey was surprisingly more powerful than I had expected. I didn’t expect to feel so emotionally moved on a spiritual level. Perhaps we were lucky with such a courageous couple who were able to self-examine and confront some uncomfortable schemas that were destroying their marriage. But I’m hoping that there’s something magical in the process itself – that Helen and I being so intimate with another couple for 7 days on such an unusual adventure can actually nudge them into a new way of thinking and feeling. There’s no question that this first couple experienced a very profound change in their perspectives, not only about their relationship but to some extent about how they are approaching life.

There was a lot of teaching, a lot of story-telling, some tears and a whole lot of laughter. I think that the laughter was especially important in framing the voyage as a safe place to explore. Even so, the process was emotionally intense. By Wednesday we all agreed that we needed a break to NOT focus on the relationship and to just relax and take in New Bern. I think the zenith of the trip was when we arranged an old resentment burial service out on a remote beach at sunrise. We ferried the couple there at 6 AM when the sun was just rising and the beach was deserted. Each person had a full half-hour to read and vent their list of past resentments with their partner listening with no retort. After each had their turn, they burned their lists together in a little grave they had dug for their cremation ceremony. After they filled in the resentment grave, I officiated as captain and guided them through their pledges to each other. Then out came the champagne, toasts and hugs all around. While the whole ceremony was going on, I felt so blessed to be able to have these kinds of experiences that so many people aren’t able to have. It was a somewhat transcendent feeling of being so close to the pulse of life. These people were sharing their core truths in the most heroic way imaginable.

Another take-away from this trip was to again see Helen’s innate brilliance when she combines her wisdom with her awesome emotional warmth. I remember sitting there watching her as the couple talked with us. But I had to laugh out loud at how much she out-matched me in making a connection with them. They were looking at her the majority of the time and for good reason. There she was, nodding her head and giving little verbal reassurances that she was tracking and understanding it all. Her attunement skills are out of this world! I sit and listen with interest and wonder. But she listens and exudes warmth and compassion. I may have more understanding of how things fit together and how people need to grow. She’s able to model how to be emotionally whole. She and I have different strengths and it’s good for my “Inner Ceasar” to be humbled by some of hers.

Bryce – 7/18/2010

Safe Passage Odyssey I — Helen 07/17/10

l0v3.t3cht — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 13:51:15 +0000

It feels like we have been on this odyssey much longer than a week. So much has happened in the past seven days. I have gone from doubting my effectiveness as a co-therapist to realizing that I have insights and perspectives that can help couples as they work through their relationship issues.

I have also seen significant changes in the individuals on our odyssey. Initially they are hurting and angry and over the course of the week they begin to see their own maladaptive behaviors and the part they played in marital problems. Then there is a re-awakening as they learn better ways to communicate with their partner. And today I see their hope in turning the relationship around and making it into something strong and loving. WOW! How neat! I can’t wait to do another odyssey!

Helen – 07/17/10