Love Odyssey

Yesterday my brother and his family came down for a day of sailing. And what a great sail we had! The wind was blowing a steady 15 knots as we headed down the river. We put up a mizzen sail, mainsail and our jib. This was the first time we used our whiskerpole to keep the end of the jib from flapping–wow! We really moved as we sailed wing-on-wing! I have to agree that running before the wind is the best kind of sailing! All you hear is the swish-swish of the bow wave as the boat effortlessley moves through the water. There is very little motion down in the cabin and drinks stay exactly where you placed them.

Yes, it was hot yesterday–but the breeze was what saved us–and also lots of bottles of cold water to drink. In three hours we were at the Neuse River Marker, half-way to Ocrocoke. Bryce does not like to tack, so the ride back to Oriental was with sails furled and motor going full-tilt. We lounged on the bow and got sufficiently wet with spray to make the heat bearable. An hour later we were tied up in our slip and ready for a dip in the marina’s pool. Not a bad day on the water!
Helen– 07/25/10

We are just now back home from our first Safe Passage Odyssey and I can’t believe how well it worked out.  My experience is that first time efforts are usually fraught with mistakes and mediocre results.  This Odyssey was surprisingly more powerful than I had expected.  I didn’t expect to feel so emotionally moved on a spiritual level.  Perhaps we were lucky with such a courageous couple who were able to self-examine and confront some uncomfortable schemas that were destroying their marriage.  But I’m hoping that there’s something magical in the process itself – that Helen and I being so intimate with another couple for 7 days on such an unusual adventure can actually nudge them into a new way of thinking and feeling.  There’s no question that this first couple experienced a very profound change in their perspectives, not only about their relationship but to some extent about how they are approaching life.

 There was a lot of teaching, a lot of story-telling, some tears and a whole lot of laughter.  I think that the laughter was especially important in framing the voyage as a safe place to explore.  Even so, the process was emotionally intense.  By Wednesday we all agreed that we needed a break to NOT focus on the relationship and to just relax and take in New Bern.  I think the zenith of the trip was when we arranged an old resentment burial service out on a remote beach at sunrise.  We ferried the couple there at 6 AM when the sun was just rising and the beach was deserted.  Each person had a full half-hour to read and vent their list of past resentments with their partner listening with no retort.  After each had their turn, they burned their lists together in a little grave they had dug for their cremation ceremony.  After they filled in the resentment grave,  I officiated as captain and guided them through their pledges to each other.  Then out came the champagne, toasts and hugs all around.  While the whole ceremony was going on, I felt so blessed to be able to have these kinds of experiences that so many people aren’t able to have.  It was a somewhat transcendent feeling of being so close to the pulse of life.  These people were sharing their core truths in the most heroic way imaginable.

 Another take-away from this trip was to again see Helen’s innate brilliance when she combines her wisdom with her awesome emotional warmth.  I remember sitting there watching her as the couple talked with us.  But I had to laugh out loud at how much she out-matched me in making a connection with them.  They were looking at her the majority of the time and for good reason.  There she was, nodding her head and giving little verbal reassurances that she was tracking and understanding it all.  Her attunement skills are out of this world!  I sit and listen with interest and wonder.  But she listens and exudes warmth and compassion.  I may have more understanding of how things fit together and how people need to grow.  She’s able to model how to be emotionally whole.  She and I have different strengths and it’s good for my “Inner Ceasar” to be humbled by some of hers.

 Bryce – 7/18/2010

It feels like we have been on this odyssey much longer than a week.  So much has happened in the past seven days.  I have gone from doubting my effectiveness as a co-therapist to realizing that I have insights and perspectives that can help couples as they work through their relationship issues. 

 I have also seen significant changes in the individuals on our odyssey.  Initially they are hurting and angry and over the course of the week they begin to see their own maladaptive behaviors and the part they played in marital problems.  Then there is a re-awakening as they learn better ways to communicate with their partner.  And today I see their hope in turning the relationship around and making it into something strong and loving.  WOW! How neat!  I can’t wait to do another odyssey! 

 Helen – 07/17/10

Yesterday we started our first real Love Odyssey cruise. I have to admit that I was pretty nervous about doing this, after all, I work exclusively with preschoolers and here we are working with hurting adults. But Bryce kept reassuring me that I could do this. Well, I got through our first day and so far I have not put my foot in my mouth. So I am gradually getting more confidence. I like the fact that Bryce uses our own martial material and encourages me to pipe up when something rings a bell that I can relate to. For instance, we do a lot of negotiating chores, e.g. “If I do X, will you do Y?”. If fact, we just did such a negotiation this morning. He puts the canopies over the deck of the boat at each new destination, and I do the inside chores like cleaning and tidying up.

We also practice the “I want…will you” principal in his book. “I want ice cream. Will you go to the store and get some?” Of course, with this example we both win! So gradually I am feeling a bit more confident about our joint odyssey endevour. I’ll let you know how things go later in the week.

Helen– 07/12/10

We had a fun-filled holiday weekend. We left our dock on Friday morning with a couple we have known for many years and their two pomaranians. This couple owns the boat in the slip adjacent to ours and we have shared many an evening in each others boats. The weather was splendid- sunny skies, warm temps, and no humidity. We took the Intracoastal Waterway to Beaufort and then sailed out in the ocean to one of my favorite spots, Cape Lookout. The wind was perfect for a mizzen sail and staysail and in record time we were anchored in front of Shackelford Banks. I love this anchorage because the wild horses frequently come down to the beach. And sure enough, later that afternoon as we strolled on the beach with our three dogs, we witnessed two stallions squaring off over two mares. What a sight to watch the bold up-start come galloping along the edge of the surf within yards of us, his mane and tail blowing in the breeze and the thunderous sound of his hooves on the packed sand!

On Saturday we packed up our dinghy and headed to the ocean side of Cape Lookout National Park where we had a picnic, played with our dogs, and the fellows went fishing.  The water temps. were perfect for a swim and the north wind prevented breakers.  It seemed every boat in the Beaufort area was anchored off the beach.  That evening the fellows took this picture of our boat at anchor at sunset.

On Sunday morning we headed back to Oriental.  Out in the ocean we encountered this large pod of dolphins feeding and cavorting.  We took a picture but it just can’t capture the feeling of over thirty dolphins surfacing around the boat.  I can’t help feeling that they too had a great holiday weekend.

Helen — 07/06/10

Yesterday morning we left Oriental at 6:00 a.m. to sail to Ocracoke.  NOAA weather predicted winds 10-15 miles/hour out of the north, which for a sailboat means that we had the wind on our nose and there was no way we could hoist the sails.  The Neuse River and Pamlico Sound are very shallow bodies of water, averaging 15 to 20 feet in most spots.  We had waves of 1 to 2 feet and our boat bounced off of them about every 20 to 30 seconds.  Once you get used to the motion of the boat, it can be tolerated, but moving around much is tricky.  We have learned over the years that this is the price you pay for the privilege of visiting this island paradise.  Ocracoke generally extracts a price either going or leaving.

 We arrived by noon and as soon as the boat was securely tied to the Park Service dock, we left for lunch at the Jolly Roger restaurant.  This is one of our favorite places to have a brew and munchies.  Then we picked up some good fish to barbeque for dinner at the local fish market.  We had never tried tile fish before and we would now recommend it for future meals—delicious with fresh salsa and corn on the cob.

 This morning bright and early we hiked up to the airport (where seven small planes were parked) and out to the beach for some photographs.  At eight in the morning we had the beach to ourselves!  Then on to the Fig Tree Bakery for some breakfast.  We figured that we had hiked at least five miles—not too bad for us ole folks!

 This afternoon we packed a picnic lunch and headed out in the dinghy for Springer’s Point.  This is our favorite beach on the island; it’s not on the ocean but rather on the sound side where there are no waves and the warm, calm water goes out for several hundred yards and is still only chest deep.  We always take Mitzie, our little Yorkie, and she barks with excitement the entire way.  She can’t wait to swim and explore the little creatures in the nooks and cranies around the beach boulders.  Bryce and I enjoy sitting in the shade of our beach umbrella, sipping sangria and nibbling on hummus and crackers.  Life doesn’t get much better than this!

 Helen—06/19/10

 The past two long weekends we have had such lovely trips-to Ocracoke and to Beaufort.  But with boats it seems that every time you take them out for pleasure, something breaks or needs fixing.  So this weekend we are fixing all the things that broke.  This morning we went from hardware store to West Marine (the boaters’ Wal-mart) and back to hardware store to get all the parts and tools that we needed.  This afternoon Bryce has his head in the “head” (boat lingo for “bathroom”), fixing a valve and hose that determines whether waste goes into the holding tank or overboard (only if 12 miles off-shore).  Repairing things is not Bryce’s forte; let’s be honest, Bryce would rather have a root canal than work with tools on the boat.  But if we get the boat yard to work on every little thing that goes wrong, we would have to be as rich as Bill Gates, and that is not going to happen in this lifetime while doing health care.  So with much muttering and the occasional explicative, Bryce does as many repairs as he can.

 This morning Bryce worked on our teak deck, replacing bungs that had come loose over the past several months.  This is a never-ending task, but one that is pretty easy once you’ve done it a few times.  I worked on putting rigging tape over the cotter pins at the base of the shrouds so they do not work loose during a lively blow when the sails are up.  We also repaired some small worn spots on our mizzen mast.  Thus is the life of a sailor—we “pay the piper” for each lovely trip on the water.

 Helen—06/05/10

I have never had a bad day at the beach and today was no exception.  We packed up some sandwiches and drinks, loaded up the dinghy with towels, chairs, small table, beach umbrella and our little Yorkie, Mitzie-Sue.  Off we sped to the backside of Carrot Island, dog barking with glee.  Mitzie is the perpetual two-year-old; everything is exciting.  Never-mind that she took the same trip to Carrot Island yesterday afternoon—oh no, it is all new and exciting again today.  Bryce and I enjoy her enthusiasm and spunk.  Just look at Mitzie about to kill a ghost-crab!  I would have let her have the experience, but Bryce kept begging me to spare the crab—and maybe her nose!

I think everyone in the Carolinas with a boat was on the water today.  We set up our chairs to watch the traffic streaming in and out of Beaufort inlet.  There were racing sailboats, kayaks, catamarans, runabouts, fishing boats, and the occasional multi-million dollar yacht coming and going.  Then there were all the families with barbeque grills, umbrellas, radios, screeching kids, and barking dogs to add color to the scene.  What fun to just watch!  I don’t think anyone had a bad day at the beach.

Helen –05/30/10

We were supposed to travel back to Ocracoke for the holiday weekend.  I was feeling ambivalent since we had already spent three days there last weekend, but what the heck, I do love Ocracoke.  So when Bryce said that we were going to sail back there again on Friday morning, it was fine and I was psyched.

   It is always hard to get dockage on a holiday weekend and our generator decided to die, which meant that if we didn’t want to roast and be conservative with power while sitting on anchor in Silver Lake, we better leave very, very early in the morning.  So yesterday morning we got up at 3:15 and left our dock a half hour later.  We noticed that the wind was blowing much harder than the weather forecast had predicted, but heck, we are a blue water boat and should be fine.

  When we got out in the middle of the river and put the boat on autopilot, the chart-plotter kept trying to send us back to Oriental.  Bryce had to keep re-programming it, probably about three times.  Then it started to get choppy and the boat was taking lots of blue water over the bow.  We had the windshield wipers going so we could see where we were heading, I was holding the dog in my lap so she would not fall and get hurt with the motion of the boat as she slammed down on waves, we were taking in some water on the galley floor from water being shipped into the dorades, and our power cord that we had coiled up on the bow was perilously shifting around and in danger of falling overboard and fouling the prop.  In addition, the motion of the boat made it difficult to fix breakfast, so Bryce and I nibbled on granola bars.  But as we looked at the radar and listened to the VHF radio conversations from other boats also on their way to Ocracoke, we realized that we were going to be at the head of the pack (of sailboats, anyway) and would most assuredly get dockage.  The boat was flying at 7.5 knots in spite of beating into the wind on engine alone.

 Then as we left the river and got into the Pamlico Sound, the boat’s motion got worse and although we knew that we could make it, we asked ourselves if we were having fun—definitely not!  I admit, I am a fair weather sailor—I don’t like putting my body into a washing machine on the spin cycle.  So we turned the boat around and headed back up river (I think our autopilot and chart plotter were right when they tried to do this earlier!).

 So here we are in beautiful Beaufort, tied up to the town docks and loving every minute of it!  Sometimes Plan B is the better plan.

 Helen –05/29/10

We should be in Bellehaven, but here we are in Ocracoke and I couldn’t be happier! We had been planning to check out Bellehaven this weekend, but lack of a functional dinghy engine resulted in making this destination switch the last minute. I have to admit, of all the destinations around the Pamlico Sound, Ocracoke is by far my favorite. Yesterday morning we left bright and early from our dock in Oriental under blue skies and barely a wiff of breeze. In fact, there was light fog on the water and at times almost a mirage of land that turned out to be a bit of stirred up water. About six hours later we motored into Silver Lake, which is really not a lake, but a very protected harbor. No problem finding a vacant dock at the Park Service Docks. Next weekend it will be a very different story as everyone with a boat tries to find dockage for the holiday. Yes, there is some advantage to making this trip when everyone else is still at work.

 I love to stroll the quiet lanes and roads on this island. Yesterday we walked around the village, noting what shops and restaurants had changed since we were last here a year ago. We had to check out the Community Store, now an up-scale grocery store, and the Jolly Roger, where we consumed a beer and fries for old times sake(we have been doing this on every visit for about twenty years). 

Enjoying Life On Ocracoke

Today we made our way to Ocracoke Coffee Company on the back road for some of the best java I have ever had (or could it just be the atmosphere?). At noon we hiked to Springer’s Point and had a little picnic on the very site where it is said Blackbeard the Pirate had his last party before he was captured and beheaded. Yes, I like Bellehaven and we do plan to sail there this summer, but I’m pretty happy with the treasures of Ocracoke.

Helen – 05/22/10