Love Odyssey

Hurricane Earl has come and gone. He brought winds of less than 30 miles an hour and a little rain. We are relieved that he left no destruction in his path here in Oriental. Today is just another gray, rainy day. But I have to admit that I feel a bit of disappointment because of all the time it took to prepare the boat and dock for a hurricane. I guess later today when the rain stops we will begin the task of putting the boat back together—erect the dodger over the companionway, put on the windshield and hatch covers, cover the teak rails, move the dinghy back on the davits with its outboard engine in place, and untie a lot of extra lines holding the boat to the dock. I just hope that this is the last hurricane of the season for NC—because I don’t relish doing this all over again!

Helen –09/03/10

We have prepared for this hurricane all day and now we wait.  So far we have had no rain and the wind is under 10 miles an hour.  At 3:00 this afternoon we had some gusts of close to 30 miles an hour, but that lasted for only a short time.  The sky is gray but we still don’t see anything menacing.  The water level gradually rose about a foot this afternoon, but it is still well over a foot below the docks.  Okay Earl, either come for a visit or go away—make up your mind!

 Helen 09/02/10

Hurricane Earl is knocking on our back door—or so it seems.  Everyone in our marina has been tying down their boats, removing canvas, and securely stowing anything that could be a projectile.  We are no exception.  We arrived at the marina last night at 9 pm and immediately began tying more lines to our pilings and taking down our canvas dodger.  Early this morning we removed all the canvas that covers our teak rails and placed more bumpers in strategic places to cushion any contact with the dock.  Bryce took our dinghy off the davits that suspended it at the stern of the sailboat and tied it in the water, minus outboard engine.

 Now we sit here and wait…  so far there is very little wind but the sky is ominously gray.  We have been told to expect a storm surge of 3 to 5 feet of water and wind up to 70 miles per hour.  Bryce has lines to pilings and the dock that can be adjusted from the boat for rising water levels.  We have done all the preparations that can be made.  Now we will see what kind of punch Earl wants to give us.

 Helen 09/02/2010

Sometimes a girl just needs to have fun!  We generally spend a good portion of our time working on boat projects.  It seems there is a never-ending list of things that need to be repaired, maintained or up-graded.   For example, yesterday we worked on putting bungs in the teak deck and mastic between the narrow teak boards.  I really don’t mind doing these projects, but occasionally we have to build in some fun.  So this morning we took out our new-to-us dinghy and roared out the channel of the marina and under the Oriental Bridge at full tilt.  I was sitting at the bow of the dinghy and each wave that we hit had me bouncing up off my seat.  Bryce figured we were doing about 25 miles per hour, which is pretty fast for an 11-foot rigid inflatable boat.

Both of us have an explorer streak—we like to find new places.  Today we explored the little creeks that branch out from the Oriental harbor.  There were some lovely houses with docks behind where boats of various types were tied up.  We saw lots of floats marking crab pots and a few people fishing for puppy drum in remote coves.  I always want to see where a creek ends or disappears (or becomes too narrow or shallow for anything but a kayak).  Our curiosity quenched, we turned the dinghy around and entered the main harbor where the shrimp boats are docked.  We noticed that not as many boats were in the harbor as in previous weekends—maybe the shrimping season is winding down.  We tied up the dinghy at the public dock and walked across the street to the Bean for my favorite drink, a “Bean Freeze”.  The Bean is the heart of the town and everyone eventually goes there sometime in the weekend.  We met a friend we had not seen for many months and chatted for an hour while catching up on the local news.  Such a treat!  Yes, a girl needs to have some fun—and the dinghy ride was just what I needed.

 Helen—08/28/10

Today we began another Safe Passage cruise. It is always challenging to see the problems that the couple present and then figure out what types of intervention they need to get un-stuck and moving in a positive direction. But now in addition to helping the couple, we carry our own burden which I mentioned in my last post. It is helpful for us to focus on the couple because we can do something positive and feel good about it; we really can’t do anything about our family problem because it is out of our hands. So tonight I sit here and anticipate helping another couple navigate the thorny path of relationships and I can smile and feel like we are making a difference in their lives. And so life goes on even though we feel this sadness in our chests that we cannot escape.

 Helen –08/15/10

We are just now back home from our first Safe Passage Odyssey and I can’t believe how well it worked out.  My experience is that first time efforts are usually fraught with mistakes and mediocre results.  This Odyssey was surprisingly more powerful than I had expected.  I didn’t expect to feel so emotionally moved on a spiritual level.  Perhaps we were lucky with such a courageous couple who were able to self-examine and confront some uncomfortable schemas that were destroying their marriage.  But I’m hoping that there’s something magical in the process itself – that Helen and I being so intimate with another couple for 7 days on such an unusual adventure can actually nudge them into a new way of thinking and feeling.  There’s no question that this first couple experienced a very profound change in their perspectives, not only about their relationship but to some extent about how they are approaching life.

 There was a lot of teaching, a lot of story-telling, some tears and a whole lot of laughter.  I think that the laughter was especially important in framing the voyage as a safe place to explore.  Even so, the process was emotionally intense.  By Wednesday we all agreed that we needed a break to NOT focus on the relationship and to just relax and take in New Bern.  I think the zenith of the trip was when we arranged an old resentment burial service out on a remote beach at sunrise.  We ferried the couple there at 6 AM when the sun was just rising and the beach was deserted.  Each person had a full half-hour to read and vent their list of past resentments with their partner listening with no retort.  After each had their turn, they burned their lists together in a little grave they had dug for their cremation ceremony.  After they filled in the resentment grave,  I officiated as captain and guided them through their pledges to each other.  Then out came the champagne, toasts and hugs all around.  While the whole ceremony was going on, I felt so blessed to be able to have these kinds of experiences that so many people aren’t able to have.  It was a somewhat transcendent feeling of being so close to the pulse of life.  These people were sharing their core truths in the most heroic way imaginable.

 Another take-away from this trip was to again see Helen’s innate brilliance when she combines her wisdom with her awesome emotional warmth.  I remember sitting there watching her as the couple talked with us.  But I had to laugh out loud at how much she out-matched me in making a connection with them.  They were looking at her the majority of the time and for good reason.  There she was, nodding her head and giving little verbal reassurances that she was tracking and understanding it all.  Her attunement skills are out of this world!  I sit and listen with interest and wonder.  But she listens and exudes warmth and compassion.  I may have more understanding of how things fit together and how people need to grow.  She’s able to model how to be emotionally whole.  She and I have different strengths and it’s good for my “Inner Ceasar” to be humbled by some of hers.

 Bryce – 7/18/2010

It feels like we have been on this odyssey much longer than a week.  So much has happened in the past seven days.  I have gone from doubting my effectiveness as a co-therapist to realizing that I have insights and perspectives that can help couples as they work through their relationship issues. 

 I have also seen significant changes in the individuals on our odyssey.  Initially they are hurting and angry and over the course of the week they begin to see their own maladaptive behaviors and the part they played in marital problems.  Then there is a re-awakening as they learn better ways to communicate with their partner.  And today I see their hope in turning the relationship around and making it into something strong and loving.  WOW! How neat!  I can’t wait to do another odyssey! 

 Helen – 07/17/10

Yesterday we started our first real Love Odyssey cruise. I have to admit that I was pretty nervous about doing this, after all, I work exclusively with preschoolers and here we are working with hurting adults. But Bryce kept reassuring me that I could do this. Well, I got through our first day and so far I have not put my foot in my mouth. So I am gradually getting more confidence. I like the fact that Bryce uses our own martial material and encourages me to pipe up when something rings a bell that I can relate to. For instance, we do a lot of negotiating chores, e.g. “If I do X, will you do Y?”. If fact, we just did such a negotiation this morning. He puts the canopies over the deck of the boat at each new destination, and I do the inside chores like cleaning and tidying up.

We also practice the “I want…will you” principal in his book. “I want ice cream. Will you go to the store and get some?” Of course, with this example we both win! So gradually I am feeling a bit more confident about our joint odyssey endevour. I’ll let you know how things go later in the week.

Helen– 07/12/10