Love Odyssey

We are at anchor in Taylor’s Creek in Beaufort. We came here yesterday morning on a whim. Sometimes you just need a change of scenery and routine. We are anticipating the beginning of a long winter when we have to stay in dock, so we thought this might be one of our last trips of the season.

It is beautiful here. There are lots of boats anchored out in anticipation of heading south to the islands. Most cruisers leave late November at the end of hurricane season. Yesterday we were mistaken for cruisers by many of the local shopkeepers–until Bryce bought a heavy winter jacket that was on sale–no, you certainly won’t need that in the islands!

We also had fun showing off our new baby! Everywhere we went both women and men wanted to see and hold our little angel, Suzie-Q. She is so tiny and so cute learning how to walk on a leash–a ferret harness and leash, since we couldn’t find a dog set that was small enough for her.

Today looks like it will be warmer than yesterday, so we are planning to take a dinghy ride down to the end of Taylor’s Creek. With our first two sailboats we could do this because they only drew 2-3 feet, but this one would surely get stuck–but the dinghy can go anywhere! I want to see how much the area has grown with houses since last we were there–and of course, we want to watch the ferral horses on Bird Shoal and Carrot Islands. Sounds like a good plan for a pretty day!

Helen–11/20/10

The past three weeks have been very hard on me. Mitzie-Sue, our fourteen year old Yorkie, has been having serious health issues. It began one day about a month ago when I watched her stumble here on the dock. At first I didn’t think much of it, but then I began to notice her stumbling more and more each day. It was like one of her back legs gave out and the lower half of her body would briefly hit the ground and then she would immediately get up and walk fine. After a week of this I took her to the vet and he agreed it was probably arthritis and gave her a prednisone shot. In the days that followed she was like a younger dog and enjoyed her short walks. Then two weeks ago when we sailed to Ocracoke she started a new drug and had a bad reaction that tore up her belly. She dehydrated and began falling a lot. Another trip to the vet revealed that she had kidney failure (apparently pretty common in older dogs). She acted like she was in pain and seemed pretty sick. We treated the dehydration for the past week and she gradually got a bit better, but we had a hard time getting her to drink water or eat. Two days ago I saw what looked like a pinched nerve in her back–she couldn’t get up for 15 minutes because her back seemed to be in spasm. So yesterday we went back to the vet and he gave us two types of drugs, more prednisone and a muscle relaxant. Within 20 minutes of taking those drugs she had two grand mal seizures. I rushed her back to the vet and they gave her fluids and said that seizures are not unusual in dogs with kidney failure. Of course, that doesn’t explain why she had seizures after taking these pills. So now I am hesitant to give her any more. But my emotional pain stems from the anticipated loss of another dog in the course of less than a year. I feel like I am watching her slowly die before my eyes. We give so much love to our pets and they give us so much more in return. It seems unfair that they have such short lives. I guess Bryce would say that our pets lives teach us about mortality and how short a dance this is for all of us.

Helen –10/22/10

We have prepared for this hurricane all day and now we wait.  So far we have had no rain and the wind is under 10 miles an hour.  At 3:00 this afternoon we had some gusts of close to 30 miles an hour, but that lasted for only a short time.  The sky is gray but we still don’t see anything menacing.  The water level gradually rose about a foot this afternoon, but it is still well over a foot below the docks.  Okay Earl, either come for a visit or go away—make up your mind!

 Helen 09/02/10

Hurricane Earl is knocking on our back door—or so it seems.  Everyone in our marina has been tying down their boats, removing canvas, and securely stowing anything that could be a projectile.  We are no exception.  We arrived at the marina last night at 9 pm and immediately began tying more lines to our pilings and taking down our canvas dodger.  Early this morning we removed all the canvas that covers our teak rails and placed more bumpers in strategic places to cushion any contact with the dock.  Bryce took our dinghy off the davits that suspended it at the stern of the sailboat and tied it in the water, minus outboard engine.

 Now we sit here and wait…  so far there is very little wind but the sky is ominously gray.  We have been told to expect a storm surge of 3 to 5 feet of water and wind up to 70 miles per hour.  Bryce has lines to pilings and the dock that can be adjusted from the boat for rising water levels.  We have done all the preparations that can be made.  Now we will see what kind of punch Earl wants to give us.

 Helen 09/02/2010

We just finished our third Safe Passage cruise.  It still surprises me how much progress couples make when they commit to a cruise.  Our third couple was no exception—they worked hard and learned other ways to connect with their partner so that the love and intimacy that initially was present years ago could once more be evident. 

Bryce and I enjoy these cruises but we work hard too.  I admire Bryce’s wisdom about where to delve each day and how to tailor exercises to meet each couple’s needs.  I know that it must take a lot of courage and energy for each odyssey couple to trust us and give every bit of effort to improve the relationship.  We are always tired at the end of each day and I cannot imagine how tired our couples must be.  Not only do we move the boat from one location to another almost every day, but we also move the relationship forward each day.  There is so much new material to digest daily.  

 As I sit here now and look back at the past three Safe Passage cruises that we have completed so far this summer, I want to say “Thank you” to the couples who have been brave enough to trust us and let us “beta test” the Love Odyssey concept.  It seems that it really does work.  And now I look forward to all the new adventures on the relationship sea for couples who need an odyssey to get their relationship back on course again.

 Helen –08/21/10

Today we began another Safe Passage cruise. It is always challenging to see the problems that the couple present and then figure out what types of intervention they need to get un-stuck and moving in a positive direction. But now in addition to helping the couple, we carry our own burden which I mentioned in my last post. It is helpful for us to focus on the couple because we can do something positive and feel good about it; we really can’t do anything about our family problem because it is out of our hands. So tonight I sit here and anticipate helping another couple navigate the thorny path of relationships and I can smile and feel like we are making a difference in their lives. And so life goes on even though we feel this sadness in our chests that we cannot escape.

 Helen –08/15/10

I have not written a blog for over two weeks, and I apologize to my followers.  Bryce and I have been hit with a severe family tragedy that has shaken both of us to our very roots.  I cannot divulge the details, but Bryce and I are extremely upset and having difficulty doing even the routine day-to-day tasks.  We hope that with time we will learn to live with this and grow to become stronger and better people.  As the old saying goes: “That which does not kill you, will make you stronger”.  I am praying for that strength and saying the Serenity Prayer several times a day.  We lean on each other a lot now, and I am so thankful for Bryce’s strength and wisdom. Together we will heal.

 Helen – 08/08/10

Yesterday my brother and his family came down for a day of sailing. And what a great sail we had! The wind was blowing a steady 15 knots as we headed down the river. We put up a mizzen sail, mainsail and our jib. This was the first time we used our whiskerpole to keep the end of the jib from flapping–wow! We really moved as we sailed wing-on-wing! I have to agree that running before the wind is the best kind of sailing! All you hear is the swish-swish of the bow wave as the boat effortlessley moves through the water. There is very little motion down in the cabin and drinks stay exactly where you placed them.

Yes, it was hot yesterday–but the breeze was what saved us–and also lots of bottles of cold water to drink. In three hours we were at the Neuse River Marker, half-way to Ocrocoke. Bryce does not like to tack, so the ride back to Oriental was with sails furled and motor going full-tilt. We lounged on the bow and got sufficiently wet with spray to make the heat bearable. An hour later we were tied up in our slip and ready for a dip in the marina’s pool. Not a bad day on the water!
Helen– 07/25/10

It feels like we have been on this odyssey much longer than a week.  So much has happened in the past seven days.  I have gone from doubting my effectiveness as a co-therapist to realizing that I have insights and perspectives that can help couples as they work through their relationship issues. 

 I have also seen significant changes in the individuals on our odyssey.  Initially they are hurting and angry and over the course of the week they begin to see their own maladaptive behaviors and the part they played in marital problems.  Then there is a re-awakening as they learn better ways to communicate with their partner.  And today I see their hope in turning the relationship around and making it into something strong and loving.  WOW! How neat!  I can’t wait to do another odyssey! 

 Helen – 07/17/10

 The past two long weekends we have had such lovely trips-to Ocracoke and to Beaufort.  But with boats it seems that every time you take them out for pleasure, something breaks or needs fixing.  So this weekend we are fixing all the things that broke.  This morning we went from hardware store to West Marine (the boaters’ Wal-mart) and back to hardware store to get all the parts and tools that we needed.  This afternoon Bryce has his head in the “head” (boat lingo for “bathroom”), fixing a valve and hose that determines whether waste goes into the holding tank or overboard (only if 12 miles off-shore).  Repairing things is not Bryce’s forte; let’s be honest, Bryce would rather have a root canal than work with tools on the boat.  But if we get the boat yard to work on every little thing that goes wrong, we would have to be as rich as Bill Gates, and that is not going to happen in this lifetime while doing health care.  So with much muttering and the occasional explicative, Bryce does as many repairs as he can.

 This morning Bryce worked on our teak deck, replacing bungs that had come loose over the past several months.  This is a never-ending task, but one that is pretty easy once you’ve done it a few times.  I worked on putting rigging tape over the cotter pins at the base of the shrouds so they do not work loose during a lively blow when the sails are up.  We also repaired some small worn spots on our mizzen mast.  Thus is the life of a sailor—we “pay the piper” for each lovely trip on the water.

 Helen—06/05/10