Love Odyssey

We are at anchor in Taylor’s Creek in Beaufort. We came here yesterday morning on a whim. Sometimes you just need a change of scenery and routine. We are anticipating the beginning of a long winter when we have to stay in dock, so we thought this might be one of our last trips of the season.

It is beautiful here. There are lots of boats anchored out in anticipation of heading south to the islands. Most cruisers leave late November at the end of hurricane season. Yesterday we were mistaken for cruisers by many of the local shopkeepers–until Bryce bought a heavy winter jacket that was on sale–no, you certainly won’t need that in the islands!

We also had fun showing off our new baby! Everywhere we went both women and men wanted to see and hold our little angel, Suzie-Q. She is so tiny and so cute learning how to walk on a leash–a ferret harness and leash, since we couldn’t find a dog set that was small enough for her.

Today looks like it will be warmer than yesterday, so we are planning to take a dinghy ride down to the end of Taylor’s Creek. With our first two sailboats we could do this because they only drew 2-3 feet, but this one would surely get stuck–but the dinghy can go anywhere! I want to see how much the area has grown with houses since last we were there–and of course, we want to watch the ferral horses on Bird Shoal and Carrot Islands. Sounds like a good plan for a pretty day!

Helen–11/20/10

The past three weeks have been very hard on me. Mitzie-Sue, our fourteen year old Yorkie, has been having serious health issues. It began one day about a month ago when I watched her stumble here on the dock. At first I didn’t think much of it, but then I began to notice her stumbling more and more each day. It was like one of her back legs gave out and the lower half of her body would briefly hit the ground and then she would immediately get up and walk fine. After a week of this I took her to the vet and he agreed it was probably arthritis and gave her a prednisone shot. In the days that followed she was like a younger dog and enjoyed her short walks. Then two weeks ago when we sailed to Ocracoke she started a new drug and had a bad reaction that tore up her belly. She dehydrated and began falling a lot. Another trip to the vet revealed that she had kidney failure (apparently pretty common in older dogs). She acted like she was in pain and seemed pretty sick. We treated the dehydration for the past week and she gradually got a bit better, but we had a hard time getting her to drink water or eat. Two days ago I saw what looked like a pinched nerve in her back–she couldn’t get up for 15 minutes because her back seemed to be in spasm. So yesterday we went back to the vet and he gave us two types of drugs, more prednisone and a muscle relaxant. Within 20 minutes of taking those drugs she had two grand mal seizures. I rushed her back to the vet and they gave her fluids and said that seizures are not unusual in dogs with kidney failure. Of course, that doesn’t explain why she had seizures after taking these pills. So now I am hesitant to give her any more. But my emotional pain stems from the anticipated loss of another dog in the course of less than a year. I feel like I am watching her slowly die before my eyes. We give so much love to our pets and they give us so much more in return. It seems unfair that they have such short lives. I guess Bryce would say that our pets lives teach us about mortality and how short a dance this is for all of us.

Helen –10/22/10

This past weekend was perfect–spectacular even! Not too hot; not too cold; just right. We left early Friday morning for Ocracoke under blue, cloudless skies. The wind was from the north, but at 10-15 knots it was comfortable in our boat. We arrived about 2:30 and found a place at the Park Service docks. The next two days we strolled the lanes in the village just for fun–no agenda. Yesterday was also true to form–we left by 7:00 a.m. under blue skies and no wind at all. The sound was like a millpond. Of course we had to use our engine, but if most sailors are honest, we use our engines the majority of the time. So the sails stayed furled this weekend, but a good–perfect–weekend was had by all.

Helen– 10/11/10

As a sailboater, we either love the wind or hate it; it’s hard to feel neutral about something as important as the wind. It is the element that either propels your boat or keeps it at the dock. We have either too much wind or not enough. Sometimes you are lucky and have just enough–the perfect amount. Today we have an overabundance of wind, not that we were hankering to go sailing. It is just that the coast had a lot of rain in the past week and now the wind is roaring out of the north. In the town of Oriental that means that streets are flooding and impassable to cars and folks on foot. Here at the marina the water is close to the top of the docks. I can hear the wind howling through the rigging of all the sailboats–a very eerie noise. We are cozy in our boat; I have ribs cooking in the crock pot in the galley while Bryce hangs a fishing line off the stern of the boat–he even got a 22″ drum for tomorrow’s lunch.

Helen  –  10/02/10

Hurricane Earl has come and gone. He brought winds of less than 30 miles an hour and a little rain. We are relieved that he left no destruction in his path here in Oriental. Today is just another gray, rainy day. But I have to admit that I feel a bit of disappointment because of all the time it took to prepare the boat and dock for a hurricane. I guess later today when the rain stops we will begin the task of putting the boat back together—erect the dodger over the companionway, put on the windshield and hatch covers, cover the teak rails, move the dinghy back on the davits with its outboard engine in place, and untie a lot of extra lines holding the boat to the dock. I just hope that this is the last hurricane of the season for NC—because I don’t relish doing this all over again!

Helen –09/03/10

We have prepared for this hurricane all day and now we wait.  So far we have had no rain and the wind is under 10 miles an hour.  At 3:00 this afternoon we had some gusts of close to 30 miles an hour, but that lasted for only a short time.  The sky is gray but we still don’t see anything menacing.  The water level gradually rose about a foot this afternoon, but it is still well over a foot below the docks.  Okay Earl, either come for a visit or go away—make up your mind!

 Helen 09/02/10

We just finished our third Safe Passage cruise.  It still surprises me how much progress couples make when they commit to a cruise.  Our third couple was no exception—they worked hard and learned other ways to connect with their partner so that the love and intimacy that initially was present years ago could once more be evident. 

Bryce and I enjoy these cruises but we work hard too.  I admire Bryce’s wisdom about where to delve each day and how to tailor exercises to meet each couple’s needs.  I know that it must take a lot of courage and energy for each odyssey couple to trust us and give every bit of effort to improve the relationship.  We are always tired at the end of each day and I cannot imagine how tired our couples must be.  Not only do we move the boat from one location to another almost every day, but we also move the relationship forward each day.  There is so much new material to digest daily.  

 As I sit here now and look back at the past three Safe Passage cruises that we have completed so far this summer, I want to say “Thank you” to the couples who have been brave enough to trust us and let us “beta test” the Love Odyssey concept.  It seems that it really does work.  And now I look forward to all the new adventures on the relationship sea for couples who need an odyssey to get their relationship back on course again.

 Helen –08/21/10

I have not written a blog for over two weeks, and I apologize to my followers.  Bryce and I have been hit with a severe family tragedy that has shaken both of us to our very roots.  I cannot divulge the details, but Bryce and I are extremely upset and having difficulty doing even the routine day-to-day tasks.  We hope that with time we will learn to live with this and grow to become stronger and better people.  As the old saying goes: “That which does not kill you, will make you stronger”.  I am praying for that strength and saying the Serenity Prayer several times a day.  We lean on each other a lot now, and I am so thankful for Bryce’s strength and wisdom. Together we will heal.

 Helen – 08/08/10

We are just now back home from our first Safe Passage Odyssey and I can’t believe how well it worked out.  My experience is that first time efforts are usually fraught with mistakes and mediocre results.  This Odyssey was surprisingly more powerful than I had expected.  I didn’t expect to feel so emotionally moved on a spiritual level.  Perhaps we were lucky with such a courageous couple who were able to self-examine and confront some uncomfortable schemas that were destroying their marriage.  But I’m hoping that there’s something magical in the process itself – that Helen and I being so intimate with another couple for 7 days on such an unusual adventure can actually nudge them into a new way of thinking and feeling.  There’s no question that this first couple experienced a very profound change in their perspectives, not only about their relationship but to some extent about how they are approaching life.

 There was a lot of teaching, a lot of story-telling, some tears and a whole lot of laughter.  I think that the laughter was especially important in framing the voyage as a safe place to explore.  Even so, the process was emotionally intense.  By Wednesday we all agreed that we needed a break to NOT focus on the relationship and to just relax and take in New Bern.  I think the zenith of the trip was when we arranged an old resentment burial service out on a remote beach at sunrise.  We ferried the couple there at 6 AM when the sun was just rising and the beach was deserted.  Each person had a full half-hour to read and vent their list of past resentments with their partner listening with no retort.  After each had their turn, they burned their lists together in a little grave they had dug for their cremation ceremony.  After they filled in the resentment grave,  I officiated as captain and guided them through their pledges to each other.  Then out came the champagne, toasts and hugs all around.  While the whole ceremony was going on, I felt so blessed to be able to have these kinds of experiences that so many people aren’t able to have.  It was a somewhat transcendent feeling of being so close to the pulse of life.  These people were sharing their core truths in the most heroic way imaginable.

 Another take-away from this trip was to again see Helen’s innate brilliance when she combines her wisdom with her awesome emotional warmth.  I remember sitting there watching her as the couple talked with us.  But I had to laugh out loud at how much she out-matched me in making a connection with them.  They were looking at her the majority of the time and for good reason.  There she was, nodding her head and giving little verbal reassurances that she was tracking and understanding it all.  Her attunement skills are out of this world!  I sit and listen with interest and wonder.  But she listens and exudes warmth and compassion.  I may have more understanding of how things fit together and how people need to grow.  She’s able to model how to be emotionally whole.  She and I have different strengths and it’s good for my “Inner Ceasar” to be humbled by some of hers.

 Bryce – 7/18/2010

This morning we left the coast before seven a.m. so we could make it back to Cary in time for the extended family Mother’s Day dinner.  As I sat at the head of the table in Biaggi’s restaurant and surveyed our family, I felt very proud of this group and bursting with love for them.  Across the table our 38 year old son faced me.  We talked briefly about a trip to Nova Scotia when he was nine, sitting at a picnic table in Fundy National Park and eating five pound lobsters that we could not finish.  Next to me our 23 year old daughter talked excitedly about her up-coming graduation from UNC-G this coming Thursday.  Our daughter-in-law, eight months pregnant, told us about her plans for the summer with a new baby.  It seems this baby is going to get its sea-legs early since we will be taking them to Cape Lookout when baby is only a month old!  All the while our grandson, Andrew, soon to be five, entertained himself at the table with Matchbox cars and spoke about starting kindergarten in August.  My mother, who is ninety-two, eagerly joined the conversation and I am sure had many of the same feelings I was experiencing.  My brother sat next to our mother and engaged our son in conversation about his new red truck, while my sister-in-law tried to nail down a weekend to come sailing with us.  And then of course there was Bryce, sitting by my side, my rock, my soul-mate, and my PIRATE!  Yes, what a joyous day to celebrate the wonderful family that we have!  My wish is that every mom today can experience this pride and joy!

 Helen   05/09/10