Love Odyssey

 The past two long weekends we have had such lovely trips-to Ocracoke and to Beaufort.  But with boats it seems that every time you take them out for pleasure, something breaks or needs fixing.  So this weekend we are fixing all the things that broke.  This morning we went from hardware store to West Marine (the boaters’ Wal-mart) and back to hardware store to get all the parts and tools that we needed.  This afternoon Bryce has his head in the “head” (boat lingo for “bathroom”), fixing a valve and hose that determines whether waste goes into the holding tank or overboard (only if 12 miles off-shore).  Repairing things is not Bryce’s forte; let’s be honest, Bryce would rather have a root canal than work with tools on the boat.  But if we get the boat yard to work on every little thing that goes wrong, we would have to be as rich as Bill Gates, and that is not going to happen in this lifetime while doing health care.  So with much muttering and the occasional explicative, Bryce does as many repairs as he can.

 This morning Bryce worked on our teak deck, replacing bungs that had come loose over the past several months.  This is a never-ending task, but one that is pretty easy once you’ve done it a few times.  I worked on putting rigging tape over the cotter pins at the base of the shrouds so they do not work loose during a lively blow when the sails are up.  We also repaired some small worn spots on our mizzen mast.  Thus is the life of a sailor—we “pay the piper” for each lovely trip on the water.

 Helen—06/05/10

This weekend we had our first 3-day Love Odyssey cruise and it could not have been any more spectacular. The weather gods smiled upon us and gave us sunny skies, perfect sailing winds, and very little humidity. We left Oriental on Friday morning around eight a.m. We motored through the Intracoastal Waterway, which we call “the ditch” because it is so narrow. Lovely homes line much of this waterway, with gently rolling lawns ending at the water where boats of various sizes are docked.

Around eleven o’clock we put up sails and proceded out of the Beaufort inlet. The ocean was so clear and blue. We had only been sailing a few minutes when our odyssey couple noticed motion in the water. Sure enough there were several dolphins cavorting in our bow wave. Then a few minutes later we noticed a large dark shadow off to the distance and a whale breached the surface! He seemed to be accompanied by more dolphins. What fun for all of us as we rapidly snapped photos and tried to guess where the whale would surface next.

We entered the Cape Lookout bight about 12:30 and anchored in some of the prettiest water–we could see fish swimming around the boat. Too bad that we forgot our fishing poles!

After a quick lunch on board we lowered our dinghy and motored to the lighthouse. The ride was a bit wet and splashy, but it felt good in the warm sunshine. There is a small museum in the lighthouse keeper’s house that is run by the national park service. After a walk across the dunes to the ocean, we returned to our dinghy and traveled to the far corner of the bight where we disembarked and walked to the old abandoned Coast Guard Station. We kept a sharp eye out for nutra, which are like large guinae pigs that were imported here from South America during the Second World War to help keep down the vegetation; no luck spotting them on this visit, but we have seen them in the past.

 Saturday morning we sailed back to Beaufort. We did spy a few dolphins near the boat, but alas, our whale was no where in sight! After anchoring in Taylor’s Creek along the Beaufort waterfront, we dinghied to shore and strolled along the waterfront where wooden boats of all descriptions were lined up. This was the weekend of the Wooden Boat Show. A large tent was erected in one area and at least twenty teams were vying for recognition in a boat building and rowing contest. We also enjoyed the Maritime Museum up the street where watercraft of all sorts were displayed, including artifacts from the pirate Blackbeard’s Queen Anne’s Revenge.

Sunday morning we re-traced our route back to Oriental under a bit hotter and windier conditions, but still very pleasant. A few dophins frolicked around our boat on the way.  We know our first Love Odyssey couple had a wonderful time on the water.

 Helen- 05/02/10

 Yesterday we finally got to splash Dragon Lady.  She is now sitting pretty in a dock at the boat yard.  I’m not wild about the view and the finger pier is pretty puny, making for gymnastics while boarding and disembarking, but at least we don’t have to climb a ladder and we have air conditioning and hot water again.  We have to stay here for another week while the mechanics at the boat yard check out her belts and hoses and other things mechanical in both the main engine and the generator.  We are counting on taking her back to our marina next weekend.

 Meanwhile Bryce has been trying to put a spring on our generator to facilitate starting.  You would think that was a pretty easy job, but he has made about six trips to the hardware store to find just the right kind of spring.  The last trip to the store the owner suggested that he just bring a sleeping bag and camp there.  As if that job wasn’t challenging enough for Bryce, our aft head (toilet) decided to die this weekend.  Now Bryce is not Mr. Tooltime.  In fact, he laments that he is probably the only student in his high school who nearly failed shop class.  But after three boats, he has learned how to fix the joker valve in the head, a job that needs to be done about every two years—yuck! 

 But I guess things could be worse, much worse.  As far as I can tell everything is basically working okay today—and that in itself is a big accomplishment on a boat this size with loads of complex systems.  Yes, I think this calls for a small celebration tonight.  We are in the water and functional—Hallelujah!

Helen—04/24/10

We’re getting tired of life in the boatyard.  And it is starting to get hot, which makes working in the sun on deck an exhausting and sweaty experience.  This weekend we worked extensively on our aging teak deck.  We had to pull up a good bit of mastic (the black material between the teak strips) that was cracking and coming loose.  The more we worked, the more areas that needed work became apparent.  It is a never-ending job.  You repair one area, and then see other spots that also need attention.  We had to prioritize the worst areas and say we would get back to the others another day. 

We also replaced missing and cracked bungs (these are the small round teak pegs that cover the screws which hold down the teak deck strips).  It seems that as soon as we put new bungs in, other old ones fall out or crack.  We should probably replace bungs more often, but other boat needs always seem to yell louder for our attention.

My job this weekend was to stain the deck with Tropical Teak Sealer.  We do this chore annually in the hopes of getting ten more years out of our badly worn teak deck.  The staining is not that difficult; the part I hate is putting green masking tape around all the edges to prevent stain from inadvertently getting smudged on the white fiberglass, the stainless steel, and the lines.  It probably takes longer to do the masking than the staining.  Yesterday in the 80 degree heat I stained about three quarters of the deck, just leaving us a path to come and go without walking on wet stain.  Then this morning I completed the remainder.  Yeah!  The worst is over!

Now if all goes well we will splash the boat next Friday—I can’t wait.  Climbing a twelve foot ladder several times a day is getting old, not to mention that we have limited electricity while on the hard.  That means that no matter how hot it gets, we can’t run air conditioning; we have no hot water to wash dishes (hot water heaters take a lot of juice); and occasionally when you plug in a small appliance, the breaker trips and you have to un-plug and reset the power.  Yes, we had better be in the water and at a dock with full hook-up by next Friday evening or this galley wench is going to mutiny.  

Helen- 04/18/10

For the past two day we have been scraping and sanding the bottom of our boat. While engaged in this chore, I seem to be bouyed on by my enthusiasm to get the job done, but as soon as I stop the shoulders and back begin to ache. Same for Bryce although he seems to have more stamina than me. Yes, we are really feeling our ages as we work. I keep wondering if I would hurt as much if I had to do this kind of work every day. I suspect muscles would strengthen with daily use; however, I don’t think I am going to find out in this lifetime.

I have to admit that my compulsive nature helps me to stay on task and get the job done. I even get into the Zen of just scraping and letting my mind rest. This certainly has its pluses. I also enjoy seeing the fruits of my physical labor- I can stand back and see how much I accomplished. This is so different than what I do as a therapist during the week. I may work with a child for several weeks or even months before a real change is noticeable. 

Tomorrow we will begin to re-paint our boat’s bottom.  I know I will let the Zen of painting take over and I will periodically stand back and admire our handiwork.  Not until we finish will I feel the aches and pains that my muscles and joints are sending out.

Helen–04/10/10

Friday we put our boat “on the hard”. We do this every spring–it’s the boater’s rite of passage. Just when the spring fever hits and you are dying to get out on the water with your craft, you take her to the boat yard and get her hauled out for about a month. You ask, “why do you do that?” Because by the time ole man winter has left town, your boat is looking pretty shabby. The white fiberglass has turned gray with numerous streaks running down the sides from rusted screws and God knows what else, your bottom is covered with a coat of slime and the odd barnacle, the deck is dirty and faded, and your sacrificial zincs have been totally sacrificed.

So on Friday we took her about two miles from our marina to Deaton’s Boat Yard and had her hauled and placed on the hard. It’s called “on the hard” for a reason. Not only is the boat sitting on hard ground but her owners are doing hard work while she enjoys her yearly spa. First of all, our boat is propped up on jack stands. She has a six foot keel, so to enter the boat you have to climb up a twelve foot ladder, and of course, you never go up empty-handed. No, you are always going up or down that ladder carrying bags of heavy things like tools, sanders, waxers, etc. or the dog. Yes, by the end of the day you know that your calves got quite a workout!

So Friday we got the boat put on the hard and then we surveyed her dirty top sides. We started by washing down the white fiberglass hull with Hull Cleaner. She was still pretty grimey and had quite a few stains, so out came the heavier duty cleaners–quite an arsonal of products that required hours of back-breaking scrubbing. We have a navy blue stripe that is about a foot wide and runs the length of the boat. It seemed no amount of scrubbing was going to get that clean and free from chalky build-up. Then we moved on to the heavy duty compound which after two applications finally restored the color. By this time it was nightfall and we dutifully fell into bed.

Saturday we tacked the big job of waxing our hull. Now you have to understand that we do this while perched up on a scaffold that is five feet off the ground and about two by six feet long. Bryce, having larger biceps than me, weilded the waxer while I went behind him and took off the wax with old towels saved for just this purpose. After the first half hour we had the dance perfected–he would apply the wax, then move gingerly behind me while I stepped forward and removed it with my towels. One mis-step and one of us could fall and break an arm or leg. We continued this dance, moving the scaffold about every fifteen minutes. It took a good part of the day to wax a forty foot boat. By the end of Saturday we were both feeling muscles we didn’t even know we had. A Gold’s Gym exercise instructor could not have given us a more thorough workout!

Today Bryce, glutton for punishment that he is, decided to apply another coat of wax. He said the second coat always goes faster, but I declined to dance an encore again. Instead, I used a paint scraper and began the tedious task of scrapping off peeling bottom paint. Why, you ask, do we paint the bottom when no one will see it when the boat is in the water. Well, boats in sea water and brackish water will soon become homes for barnacles without a coat of ablative paint. So each year we add a coat of bottom paint which does a good job of discouraging encrustration; however, after several layers of paint, it begins to check and peel. So we scrape and sand before adding more paint.

As you can see, life “on the hard” is hard work! Next weekend we will continue to scrape and sand–probably for a couple of days. Then if we are lucky weather-wise, on the third weekend we will paint our boat’s bottom–which is another exercise in bending and stretching muscles we haven’t used much in awhile. Of course, the plus side is that we will have nice defined biceps, calve muscles, and be as flexible as any yoga student by the time May and bathing suit season begins!

Tune in next weekend for our latest up-date on our boat’s spa month! And by the way, are there any people out there reading this blog? I would love to hear your comments or questions.

Helen 04/04/10

Helen thinks I’m obsessive and I know that’s true.  Lately I’ve been obsessing about anchors and storms.  What’s the best way to face one of those demon storms that severely punish many boaters who are naively confident from their history of Sunday afternoon sailboat regattas.  Two months ago I met a man in the local coffee shop where many of us sailor types like to hang out.  His leg was in a caste and he told me an interesting story about how his anchor snubber line had chafed through one night during a wild Northeaster storm.  This allowed the chain to pull tight with tremendous force and even yanked the windlass completely off the boat.  In all the turmoil, his foot got caught in the anchor chain and was nearly amputated. 

That sailor’s story reminded me of my 1988 fight with another Northeaster storm in which we nearly died. In fact we were anchored in the same location as the unfortunate sailor who nearly lost his foot.  During my brawl with my own demon storm, our jib unraveled in near hurricane winds and cinched up like a small spinnaker that put us under sail.  Our Bruce anchor plowed through the bottom muck instead of holding us fast.  We could see we were dragging towards shoals and the only things that saved us was when I crawled up to the nose and pushed off a second anchor that eventually set.  I learned alot that night:  how to secure a jib for a storm and to not use a Bruce anchor when I need strong holding power on a silt bottom.  I also learned something very empowering about myself that I previously didn’t know.  I hadn’t known that I would have the where-with-all to face probable death and still self-reflect.  That’s what happened.  When the worst part of the storm hit, our jib blew out and started catching the wind with a humongous crashing sound.  It felt like a monstrous giant was pounding the boat to pieces.  As I ran up the stairs to the top deck and caught a face full of hail, Helen yelled out “I’m scared!”  I yelled back ”I am too!”  The sea conditions and the uncontrolled sail looked like Hell unleashed.  It was apparent that the sail could literally decapitate me if I made a mistake.  As I stood there thinking we were all going to die within 10 minutes, I also thought it was ironic that I had expressed my fear to my wife.  I had expressed my feelings.  What a new-age man!  Big whoop-deep-do!  I thought it was darkly humorous that I would self-reflect on my own authenticity during the last moments of my life.  But as fate would have it, my second anchor did the trick and death was postponed for a probable 40+ more years.  Which brings me to my main point.  I’m going to give myself permission to get obsessive about my new anchoring SYSTEM. 

I’ve been visualizing, planning, obsessing, researching and now purchasing the meanest, nastiest bad-ass anchoring system I can fit on my boat:  a 75 pound pivot arm Super-max anchor with 2 humongous 3-strand snubber lines, chafing gear and all stainless steel thimbles, hooks and shackles.  I’m imagining that next demon storm and I feel like shouting  “Come on!  Bring it on!  I’m ready for you!”  Sometimes I think my obsessing helps me to prepare and feel safe.  It’s rather like having a big protective brother.          Bryce (1/22/2009)

We needed to set up a checking account-that was a fact. We wouldn’t be able to purchase all the items on our to-do list for Love Odyssey charters until we had a dedicated account and also a credit card. So yesterday Bryce and I marched off to the bank with the assumption that this would take only a few minutes. After all, he had two business accounts at this bank and I had one; we both had business credit cards and a very good credit history.

Well, the lady at the bank made us feel like we were asking for the keys to the state treasury. How much money do we each make annually? How much do we anticipate making the first year of business? Why are we starting this business? on-and-on-and-on….

Then let’s get to the type of business account. The simpliest small business checking account will be free if we use our debit card each month but cost us $13/month if we dare to forget to use it. Now I know everyone in the civilized world uses a debit card, but I’m an old-fashioned girl and I like the physical act of writing out a check (gives me time to decide whether I really need to spend the money). It seems to me that I am being punished if I want to write only checks–at the tune of $13 a month or $156 a year (hey, that’s not chicken feed!).

Now I also want a credit card for Love Odyssey charters. Well, the lady yesterday could not even delve into that. No, that was saved for another more experienced bank torturer who called me today to waste another hour of my time. We went over the same questions that yesterday’s lady asked and I had to give the same information. Interesting! After I went over all this he said he had all my answers on his computer from yesterday. Maybe the bank really trains police and detectives–make sure your answers don’t change. Anyway, after an eternity of questioning and a good ten minutes on hold while he talked to his supervisor, I was told that he would decrease the credit card limit on my other business and also on my personal credit card so he could grant me another new card for Love Odyssey. Oh, how generous! What a nice way of thanking me for doing business with his bank for twenty years and have a sterling credit history!            Helen  (01/05/10)

Where to start? Perhaps the answer is right now. I’m sitting in our pilothouse of our boat, listening to some Bill Leslie music from Pandora on my earphones and appreciating our little twinkling Christmas tree in the downstairs salon that I’ll have to take down in a few hours. I woke Helen up once again with my usual 5 O’Clock restlessness. There are two things going through my head. One is that I feel somewhat apprehensive about tomorrow when I have to tell a patient that I think he’s probably lying to me (and to his wife as well). I’m fond of him and it might end the relationship. I don’t look forward to that. But the other thing on my mind is Helen’s brilliant idea of blogging our relationship. She popped it on me two nights ago when we were driving down to the boat in Oriental, NC. I thought what a cool idea! It will give our adventure multiple dimensions. Love odysseys for our couples on the boat but also our own love odyssey while we do this venture together.

Let me get something out in the open so I don’t have to have it gnawing at the back of my mind as a piece of unfinished business. At some point I have to share the essence of my experience in our marriage. It’s not that I love Helen or that I’m “in-love” with her (although I’ve confessed to having grown “in-love”-like passions for her). It’s that I’m in AWE of her! I know that’s a strong word but it’s the word that fits best. And it might not be just about her but also about what I’m able to perceive about her. I see how she’s bold and creative in most of what she does even from our first five minutes when she told me that I really turned her off. I have no doubt that she’ll be revealing many of my peccadillos in this blog, perhaps even some of my major screw-ups. But I think it will be a challenge for us to both grow stronger in the truth-telling. And that’s probably what excited me the most this morning and got me up: The spiritual challenge of this odyssey.

This morning we’re going to go over to The Bean. You’ll probably be hearing a lot about The Bean in this blog. That’s a cozy little coffee house that overlooks the inner harbor of Oriental. Many of our friends gather there to reconnect and swap the latest. Oriental has a population of around 800 so news circulates fast. I also want to get some pictures of us to mount on our blog. Perhaps when you read this the picture will already be there. Bryce (12/27/2009)

The idea came to me as I was driving once again down to the coast where we keep our boat. We have done this nearly every Friday night for close to 25 years. I drive on auto-pilot while my head plays with ideas to keep me from being bored. Boredom is never tolerated for very long–I will search around in my own databank of ideas planted in my brain over sixty some years searching for something novel to manipulate. Four months ago I came up with the idea of grafting our two passions- sailing and helping people- into the concept of the Love Odyssey Cruise. Now as I drove our Suburban through the pouring rain on Christmas evening the idea of a blog about our own personal Love Odyssey came to me in a flash and I knew we must do this if we wanted to be totally honest about helping other couples with their relationship issues.

But first I need to back up and explain that I am married to a “shrink”, a clinical psychologist who has been counseling couples for over twenty-some years and who recently wrote and published a first aid kit for marital problems. So you are thinking, “They must have the perfect marriage; no conflict; never argue, etc. etc.” Right? Wrong!! We have been married twenty-eight years–second marriages for both of us–and have suffered many of the same hurts, disappointments, and daily annoyances that you have. What makes us different than other couples seeking marital help? Well, maybe we can discover that together in this blog. We will be posting our thoughts, triumphs, conflicts, etc. here in this blog. Some days you will get a post from both of us individually, other days only one of us may write, but over the next year you will get a good picture of the inner workings of us as a couple. We have already agreed on some rules–we cannot edit each others posts– and no cheating–no looking over the shoulder of the other person while they are writing.

Now let me explain about the Love Odyssey Cruises. There are basically two types of odysseys: The first is a fun cruise for couples in love. We will be taking individual couples to quaint towns along the inner/outer banks of North Carolina where they can stay in bed-and-breakfasts, eat in local restaurants, shop, and enjoy the wind and water as we sail from place to place. The second type of cruise is called Safe Passage; this one is for couples who are having some relationship issues and are committed to working hard to overcome these problems. Bryce will be offering daily marital coaching- up to four hours a day- while the boat takes them from place to place. We will be using analogies and strategies that may relate to sailing to help them safely naviagate the marital shoals. Of course we will never use in our blogs any information that could be used to identify the clients. But we will encourage each couple to write in the blog each day about their odyssey and we will also be posting about how we felt or how their issues affected us.

We are hoping to begin taking couples on these cruises beginning in May. So for the next four months we will be coming down to the coast every weekend to ready the boat for our big adventure. We have lists and lists of things that we must do before we can take on the clients. Things like purchase lots more safety equipment; repair things that we have put off for the past several years, such as canvas covers over all the teak trim on the exterior of the boat; sand and re-varnish worn woodwork; stain the teak decks; polish chrome; replace batteries in strobe lights; haul out and paint the bottom and wax the hull; etc. and I could keep going on but I won’t bore you. Even when we are home (about three hours in-land) we spend a good portion of our time focused on the boat. We have built the website in our so-called spare time, both here on the boat and at home, between all the other things that pull at us during the course of a normal work week.

And you ask, “So, what do you do, Helen, when you are not at the coast on your boat?” Well, I am a pediatric speech language pathologist and I work in my own practice four mornings a week. I also supervise a staff of four other therapists and two secretaries. I am like most women out there, constantly juggling home, husband, work, children–and trying to eek out some me-time along the way. I usually do a fairly good job as long as life doesn’t throw me too many curved balls at once. So just like you I sometimes get way too over-commited and stressed out–and that can result in my own major melt-down with Bryce over something pretty petty. Yes, we are not immune to having those squabbles and we will try to be brutally honest here and let you follow along our personal relationship odyssey. Well, enough of my rambling for today–there are things that need to be done, not the least of which is reading a few more chapters in Nicholas Sparks “The Lucky One” (which I purchased in August and never got around to reading).         Helen (12/26/09)